We Keep It Real

Writer's Block, Chiseled Away

Thu, 11 Mar 2010 01:46:00 -0600

For years, I’ve been wanting to write a legitimate, fiction story. I feel that I could do a decent job at creating characters, establishing a setting, and fabricating an interesting-enough plot. Besides habitual procrastination, I think the only thing getting in the way of writing was my ambition. I wanted to write the most unbelievable zombie/infection related epic known to man, but guess what? I had no idea where to start.

There are other, less silly stories I’ve wanted to write, but I haven’t found a strategy to whittle away at their grandiosity just yet. I have, however, figured out how to start writing some of my infection stories, and I want to share it with you.

What I see as an ‘attainable’ first short story is to write in the most literal ‘what if’ scenario ever. Imagine how much content you could write if you placed yourself in the framework of a zombie apocalypse. Words would fill your screen as you come up with all of the different things you would do, because you have so much to work with! What else do you know besides your own survival instinct coupled with your surroundings? The story would basically write itself.

So, to all of you inspiring writers, I want you to write your own zombie story. Submit it to me, and I’ll post the shat out of your work on this very blog.

I’m going to get started.

-Zach

MARCH

Tue, 09 Mar 2010 16:58:00 -0600

Listen up, short children.

I’ve said it a billion times. A billion times? Yeah, a billion times: This March is amazing. Before you flip off your computer screen, hear me out… IN LIST FORM!!!

Gorillaz, Plastic Beach - Today
Final Fantasy XIII - Today (Not getting this one for a while…)
Pokemon Soul Silver - March 14th (So pumped, bro.)
Zach Fleeman’s 21st Birthday Week Extravaganza - March 15 through ??????
Cave Story - March 22nd
Red Steel 2 - March 23rd (For the Pado)
Spring Break - March 26th

Mega Man 10 - March 31st (For the Achievements)

Look at that list. LOOK AT IT!

I don’t think I need to say more.

-Zach

It's OVER!

Sat, 06 Mar 2010 15:24:00 -0600

Last year I started to get into Youtube. How does one ‘get into’ Youtube? Let me tell you my story.

It all started with my Kodak Zi6. Once I got that thing, I was just filming everything that had potential of being entertaining. So, after I made a few masterpieces involving me throwing random objects at my suite-mates, I decided to see what was gathering a lot of views on this crazy site. After I got bored of videos with generic names like, “Extreme Nut Tap” or “Some Guy Yells at Some Cats,” my ginger friend introduced me to sxephil. Now, his show really wasn’t that funny, and the dude is just not easy to look at, but it was regular content that I could zone out to during the week.

On DeFranco’s show, he talked about his friend ‘Shaycarl’ a lot, so I decided to check out his channel. Not only was this guy big and funny, he had just started a video diary involving his family that he promised to keep up with for a year. One thing led to another, and his videos became very popular, getting at least 300,000 views on each upload. I, along with hundreds of thousands of people, got addicted to this daily brain crack. Now, after one long year, the vlogs have ended, and I suddenly have ten minutes of my daily schedule unoccupied.

-Zach

P.S. - I can’t turn to Jersey Shore now, cause I finished it. That is the most engrossing show ever. Ever.

P.P.S. - Wily’s stage in Mega Man 10 is funking ridiculous. I’ll say what I think about the game when I can actually reach the end.

Sucks to Your Art!

Wed, 03 Mar 2010 00:06:27 -0600

Can I whine real quick? Ok, good.

I like to consider myself as a form of scientist. For the past three years I’ve been enrolled in classes that are heavily concentrated on math and science that can be applied to solve practical problems. Granted, my branch of engineering is new-ish, and often misunderstood as some glorified business degree, but I assure you that topics such as manufacturing, operations research, simulation, and ergonomics have their fair share of scientific substance.

Now, I’m not writing this to fume about all of the teasing I get for pursuing Industrial Engineering; I’m writing this because the growing conflict of interests in my life has reached a new level of annoyance. It seems that the quarrel between the left and right hemispheres of my brain has reached a climax, and I’m going to have to choose which side to support sooner than I want.

I was doing some homework late last night as a fresh copy of Mega Man 10 was downloading to my Wii. I stopped watching the progress bar for a minute to look around my desk. On the main work surface I saw my usual tools, a calculator, ruler, and a slab of engineering paper. Tilting my head twenty degrees up, I saw things that only serve to raise my pulse and the hair on my arms. Up on the shelf that is rarely accessed is a Gorillaz book filled with amazing illustrations by Jamie Hewlett, Mass Effect 2, my collection of Don Hertzfeldt films, and Dawn of the Dead. I scarcely touch these things, and every once in a while it strikes a nerve.

After staring at these commodities for a while, I realized something: the fact that I sometimes find comfort in balancing which side of my brain I want to satisfy (rather, which mental morsel I will consume—art or science), sickens me. This concern seldom comes to mind, like when I have to shut off music that gives me goosebumps and makes me walk funny just so I can walk into a lecture on applying operations research to a healthcare system. It’s even happening right now: I’m getting ready to finish an introspective writing experience to study Thermodynamics.

-Zach

Plastic Beach

Tue, 02 Mar 2010 00:00:00 -0600

If you follow me on Twitter (chances are you do), then you know that I have been freaking out about the fact that Plastic Beach is fully listenable on NPR’s website. Instead of supporting the people’s voice, you should get comfortable and chill on this page to listen to it.

I was originally going to wait to listen to this awesomeness until it released in the States on March 9th, but I thought, “You know what? I’m going to be obsessing over this album for several years like I did Demon Days back, so how’s an additional week going to change that obsession?”

I have listened to it all, and as a result, I’m a pretty happy guy right now.

Song impressions:

0:00 “Orchestral Intro” — A nice, classy way to kick off the album.
1:05 “Welcome to the World of the Plastic Beach” — I have been a long time fan of Snoop Dog’s smooth flow, but hearing him in this track really threw me off. It didn’t put me off, mind you, but it was interesting to say the least. Albarn’s back-up vocals make me feel like I’m listening to the theme song of a swanky 70s show. Perhaps “Booty-Donk!”?
4:44 “White Flag” — Not sure how I feel about this one yet. I really like the bleeps and bloops in the background, but I have a feeling the hip-hop lyrics will grow on me faster than the actual performers.
8:27 “Rhinestone Eyes” — This song is trying to be my favorite on the album really hard. It opens with Albarn’s tired rambling and then breaks into a crazy-awesome, slow club-beat. Very cool.
11:47 “Stylo” — The first single off of the album has definitely tried to win me over, but I must say that I’m still a little underwhelmed with this track. I have a feeling that when the actual music video gets released later this week, I’ll warm up to it a little bit more.
16:17 “Superfast Jellyfish” — This track has been stuck in my head for a solid five days now, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. Some absurd hip-hop mixed with some relaxing tropical sounds that discuss breakfast in some way make this track a instant class.
19:11 “Empire Ants” — A very relaxing vocal feature that turns into a sweet technochocolate beat with some lady singing over it. It may sound like she has a disease in her lungs, but it fits the track pretty well. Sure, I’ll listen to it. Multiple times, in fact.
23:54 “Glitter Freeze” — This one starts off interesting enough to keep me interested, with its zany beats and high-pitched squeals. After about thirty seconds in, though, it gets a little repetitive, and doesn’t change for the duration of the song. “Meh,” to say the least.
27:57 “Some Kind of Nature” — It’s hard for me to form an opinion on this song. I like Lou Reed’s old-hoboesque sounds, but I don’t know if I’ll ever have a severe urge to come back to this song over and over again.
30:56 “On Melancholy Hill” — I like this one, but it sounds more like a The Good, the Bad & the Queen song more than a Gorillaz song. I semi-expected a song like this to show up on the album, because Albarn had to get some inspiration from the music he made in between Demon Days and Plastic Beach.
34:49 “Broken” — Yet another chill tune. I feel like I could just listen to the chorus of this song for an extended period of time, and be just fine with that. A must-listen.
38:06 “Sweepstakes” — A considerably better performance by Mos Def than in Stylo. The fast pace of this track is refreshing and serves as a nice contrast to “Broken.” The brass accents towards the middle of the track help maintain my interest, and helps me listen to all 5:20 of it.
43:26 “Plastic Beach” — It was nice to hear an actual guitar begin this song, but it just deteriorates into another somber beat with mellow vocals on top of it. This makes the track indistinguishable from the rest.
47:13 “To Binge” — The disease-ridden lady opens up this song with a more pleasant tone than “Empire Ants”, which makes it more pleasant. Like “On Melancholy Hill”, you get to hear a more unfiltered Damon Albarn, which makes me think of TGTBTQ again. Once again, nothing to be upset about, but something to be taken note of.
51:08 “Cloud of Unknowing” — I prefer this performance by Mr. Womack better than in “Stylo”, but I am not very inspired by the album’s energy at this point. I’m beginning to wonder if they’re trying to put me to sleep with these later songs.
54:14 “Pirate Jet” — A pretty erie/upbeat way to close out the album. This is a pretty short song, which kind of makes the ending a little too abrupt for my liking.

So, to sum up:

I absolutely love this album, and will purchase it the day it comes out.

-Zach

My Jersey Shore Experience

Mon, 01 Mar 2010 01:06:00 -0600

Last night, I decided to take a three-hour break from everything, and watch Jersey Shore on mtv.com. I’ve heard about the ridiculousness of this show for the past few months, and after I watched the first three episodes, one word comes to mind: disturbing.

I will admit, there were some times when I would actually be ‘invested’ into what was going on during the show, but the large majority of my time with this program was spent in shock. These people cannot exist; they just can’t. How can a person go out on the town and get drunk that much without deteriorating into an unrecognizable clump?

Character impressions (starting at the top left):

Mike “The Situation” - Definitely the ‘star’ of the show so far. This guy has received the most air-time than any of the others. He’s mostly an a-hole, but you have to be in order to tame a guidette, bro.
Pauly D - This guy doesn’t say much. He has some thing for the lady in blue, but other than that, he doesn’t seem to be too interesting.
Ronnie - He could probably beat me up. I have yet to see him ‘rage out’, but I assume it will happen when somebody criticizes his ridiculous dance moves.
Vinnie - The smartest person in the bunch (finished college), which makes him the least interesting. Pauly D seems to be a little protective of this one, adding an interesting depth in their relationship.

Ladies (left to right):

JWOWW - Spent piece of used jet-trash. She doesn’t do much other than wear provocative clothing. She has been having second doubts about her boyfriend ever since she started grinding at the club with Pauly D.
Sammi - She calls herself, “the sweetest bitch you’ll ever know,” but she doesn’t do much other than make sure Snooki doesn’t do anything excessively stupid. She seems to be the one most of the guys are after, but I don’t get it. For her size, she is the most chubby-faced out of all these women, making her instantly repulsive to any sane man.
Snooki - I don’t think I’m at the point in the series where Snookers becomes a huge character, but she’s entertaining if you think people that make out with everything in sight (including pickles) are entertaining. She gets jacked in the face later in the series, which makes me excited.
Angelina - I thought this one was pretty cute, if not a bit mouthy. She didn’t show up for work one day, so her boss/landlord kicked her out of the shore house.

All-in-all, I think it’s an amazing show to just stare mouth agape at. You really have no idea how stupid these people are until you watch it for a couple of hours. I really hope that this is the first thing that the aliens see when they’re deciding whether or not to invade is this show. That way, they’ll just be all like, “Pfff. What’s the point,” and zip off to destroy the Scorpulons.

-Zach

A Conversation

Fri, 19 Feb 2010 16:01:00 -0600

I was cleaning out my desk when I stumbled upon a twenty-sided die I bought for fifty cents two years ago. I had no intention on playing ANY form of tabletop gaming when I bought this, I just thought it would be a nice little desk toy. Holding this odd device, I was reminded of a conversation Pado-san and I had. Let me inaccurately recite it to you.

Geoff: Man, I would SO play DND, bro.

Zach: Yeah, I dunno. I don’t know if I like the setting. I’m more of a Sci-Fi (SyFy) guy now.

Geoff: Eh? The words you just said confused me.

Zach: Well, hmmm. Let me put it like this: I would play it if it ran on the same engine, but had different graphics.

Geoff: I’m upset because I know exactly what you’re talking about.

For those of you who had no idea what I meant, let me rephrase. I would play the pants off of a tabletop game if it had all of the RPG elements of Dungeons and Dragons, but if it was set IN SPAAAAAACE with blasters ‘n’ stuff. Think about it.

Geoff: Oh noes! A level 15 Scorpulon Queen!!!!

Zach: Scorpulons are the worst…

Frank: Hey guys! I’m in the post now!

Am I missing something? Let me know if such a tabletop game exists. Our comments system rocks now, and I think you people keep forgetting that.

-Zach

I Will Bleed for Google

Sun, 14 Feb 2010 15:34:00 -0600

First, let me get this out of the way: I love my Droid; my Droid loves me. It’s the best phone Verizon has to offer right now. After experiencing the limitless potential of the Android operating system, I no longer have any desire to own an iPhone. Strong words from a man who would have killed for an iPhone four months ago.

Second, I love Google. You knew this already. When the Nexus One was unveiled at a legitimate Google press conference, I got a little weak in the knees. The sleek design, unbelievable processor, and Android 2.1 had me sold on the device instantly. I was relieved when I learned that it wouldn’t be coming to Verizon until ‘Spring 2010’, because I would have plenty of time to scrounge up some money to purchase it, and it meant I would have the best phone on the network for a few more months.

When it comes to money, I’m a mess. I don’t have much, and when I want something shiny and new, and have to sell a few things that are dull and old. Due to the fact that I’m running out of video games to sell, and that I hold a job that pays me in such a way where I don’t see any of the money in dollar bill form, I’m faced with an interesting predicament. How can I make money without working for the man? Er, another man.

I was instantly reminded of my freshman year at Mizzou. Grand Theft Auto 4 was coming out in less than a month, and I didn’t have a single dollar in my wallet. So, I asked around Wolpers, seeing how people my age got money. Balancing engineering and a part-time job didn’t seem like something I would like, so I settled for a more unorthodox method: selling my plasma. I made some dollar bills, bought the game, and kept donating. I made around $400.00 after donating for a month and a half, and I felt fine.

So, I’m back at it. I am bleeding for a product that Google worked on.

It hurts sometimes, but I’m saving lives (maybe) and making some dough.

It will all be worth it when I can get this custom engraving on the back of it.

Engraving is a hip, new way to personalize your gadgets. Thanks, Google!

-Zach

Me too.

Wed, 10 Feb 2010 19:04:19 -0600

Why review Mass Effect 2 when I could play it some more?

-Zach

Really big bus from the movie, “The Big Bus.” -Doug

Sun, 07 Feb 2010 14:31:00 -0600

Really big bus from the movie, “The Big Bus.”

-Doug

Quickie

Wed, 03 Feb 2010 15:44:00 -0600

Just a quick list.

-I beat Massive Fect 2

-In a very related note, I am a little behind on school-work

-I’m kind of sick, and feel like this baby

-I need to edit this video more

-Zach

High-Foreheadz

Sat, 30 Jan 2010 16:27:00 -0600

I’m a Gorillaz fan, you’re a Gorillaz fan: We’re all Gorillaz fans.

So meta, it’s cRaZy!

By that previous deduction, I can safely say that the announcement of their new album, “Plastic Beach” (on store shelves the eighth of March), made us all crap our pants.

If you go to Gorillaz.com, you can catch up on all of the announcements, but why strain your precious fingers? Use this conveniently placed flash-widget instead of typing in your address bar! I highly recommend listening to Murdoc’s Pirate Radio.

-Zach

iPado Reactions

Thu, 28 Jan 2010 01:03:00 -0600

So, Apple released a shiny new toy today: The iPad SDK. Oh, and they announced the hardware. But it doesn’t come out for 60 days. Yawn.

But in all seriousness, Apple’s new tablet is pretty neat. Is it cool enough to justify the sheer amounts of hype that it garnered before being announced? No. But I’m pretty sure Steve would have had to invite Jesus Christ himself on stage to announce Half-Life 3 for the hype to be justified. That doesn’t mean the iPad isn’t a great piece of hardware. Essentially a large iPhone with… well, not much else, the iPad is meant to bridge the gap between your phone and your computer.

“But it’s just a bigger iPhone! How is that useful? It doesn’t do anything new or special!” That’s where you have Missed The Point™, my friend. It is just a bigger iPhone, yes, but that extra screen space allows so much more. As an iPhone developer, I know that there’s only so many features you can embed before your user interface starts getting unwieldy. There’s only so much room for buttons.

I was underwhelmed by the keynote up until the point that Phil Schiller came out to demonstrate three new applications — the iWork suite for iPad. Those apps finally demonstrated to me what the true purpose of the iPad is; it’s hardware large enough for desktop-quality applications. The big draw of the iPad isn’t going to be the applications Apple includes. The big draw is that you’ll be able to have full featured apps that rival their Mac or PC apps. Throw in external keyboard support, and you have a netbook killer — a simple computer for people who don’t need more than a few small apps.

It doesn’t multitask. It doesn’t take pictures. It doesn’t have HDMI out.

It doesn’t need to.

-Geoff

Honorable Mentions

Wed, 27 Jan 2010 01:11:00 -0600

I didn’t do much yesterday. UPS didn’t arrive with Mass the Fect 2 until around 5:30pm, and I kind of just sat around my room until then. So, I know what you’re asking, “Zach, you handsome lump, what did you do after you got out of class at 2:00pm up until the obese UPS man dropped a steaming pile of goodness in my mailbox?”

Well, I decided to try a few things out.

First, I had a three way.

Second, I decided to download a gem of an Xbox 360 Indie Game. I was scrolling through the top downloaded indie games, when our very own Geoff Pado noticed one he recognized called “The Impossible Game.”

By now, you all should have a good idea of what I like. If not, let me say that I like to be punished when I play video games. Now, some of you may be taking that the wrong way. I like to be punished when I do things wrong, like not pull the trigger when I should have, or jump directly into a master robot. I really hate it when I get punished for unreasonable things, like die by the hands of some unreachable NPC manning a turret in the distance during a mission in Modern Warfare 2.

The Impossible Game only has one button that tells some red block to jump while the level’s terrain, riddled with spikes and pits, scrolls beneath you. It’s a new form of frustration that I want you to be experience, so do me a favor and drop eighty Microsoft Points ($1.00) to play this sadistically difficult game.

Third, I decided (just now) to tell you all about our new amazing comments system. Chances are, if you stumbled upon this web-thing, you were directed here by Twitter or Facebook. Well, now you can sign in to those web services in our comment section, and tell me I’m wrong about Mario Kart 64 and Asshole the Hedgehog.

It couldn’t be simpler, just click on the comments after every post, and follow the obvious instructions.

This new comments system really excites me, and I guarantee I’ll post more if it increases feedback.

-Zach

P.S. You can expect many Mass Effect 2 related posts in the nearest of futures.

UPDATE!!!

Just a quick notice of a deal I’m sure Zach would have linked to if he’d been awake:

Critically-acclaimed “sleeper hit” Psychonauts is available on Steam for only $2 today. Get it here.

-Geoff

In. My. Pants.

Tue, 26 Jan 2010 19:08:21 -0600

Coming to an Xbox 360 near you… er… my pants!

It’s in my pants!

-Zach

Pac-Mania

Fri, 22 Jan 2010 00:06:00 -0600

I’ve decided to take a break from Mega Man 9, and try out another classic game with a new twist! I downloaded Pac-Man Championship Edition well over two years ago. I loved its fast-paced paction (eh?). I stopped playing it shortly after I bought it, because the achievements were too darn hard. But now, some dumb resident on my floor bought the game over Christmas break, and he’s been talking smack ever since he returned to Wolpers.

Take a good look at me; I’m not the kind of guy you pick a fight with. It’s a good thing for this douche that we’re only talking about a video game that has a leaderboard, because I’d go straight Stooge on his ass and poke him in the eyes.

BOINK!

Nah, but seriously. I’m going to kick this pansy-ass’s ass and then take a dump in front of his door.

-Zach

P.S. I just have one more achievement left, fool.

You’re welcome. -Doug

Thu, 21 Jan 2010 00:28:51 -0600

You’re welcome.

-Doug

My Purchases

Wed, 20 Jan 2010 00:34:00 -0600

Let me show you them.

It may have cost an arm and a leg (Dead Space and Borderlands), but I can now VERY afford Mass Effect 2. It should come as no surprise to you fools that I’m buying this game, because most of you know my unhealthy love of the first… and blue women, but that goes without saying.

I can imagine that most game publishers are upset right now. It must suck knowing the best game of 2010 is coming out in six days.

Am I hyping this game up? Yes. Does it deserve it? Probably. Will I be more hyped for Dead Rising 2 later this year? Absolutely.

I preordered from Amazon, and it should get here on the twenty-sixth, but they have delivered new releases before they should in the past. Let’s all cross our fingers and hope I get this gem before next Tuesday.

Hopefully it doesn’t arrive on Monday. That’s Mad Max day.

-Zach

Snow Problem, Bro.

Mon, 18 Jan 2010 00:00:00 -0600

This video has been a long time coming. Enjoy.

-Zach

A Poem

Sun, 17 Jan 2010 02:01:00 -0600

Here I sit, on this end of break eve, not having posted, making readers grieve.
This monotonus homeplace is empty and lame.
I shudder, knowing school will be more of the same.
My birthday’s tomorrow, yes, the big 2-1.
And the drinking thereafter will be legal and fun.
So here’s to youth, may you die like Doug’s post.
And you, adulthood, of you I’ll make most. Toast.

ding, ding, ding-d-ding ding.

-Frank